Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Ouch!

My human clearly has it in for me! Send help!

I was quietly napping when I heard a strange clicking sound.

And again. As I woke, I became aware of something gently holding my left back foot.

Click.

EGADS!!! My toenails were being removed!

I screamed so loud that my human's ears are still ringing. I have a sound I emit at a high volume and a high pitch when my feet are touched - I amplified that sound tenfold and extended it's length from two seconds to eight. The desired effect was achieved - the human release me.

I gathered every last bit of energy and leapt four feet into the air and then ran for the other end of the apartment.

Three of my nails are now shorter than the others. He will not get the rest!

I watched as he held the cats down and click, click, clicked all of their nails on their back feet. I noticed he did not trim their front feet, I must investigate this further. They did not struggle, but meekly submitted to his torture.

I'm sure if I bother Scout enough, she will smack me with her paws and maybe I can catch a peek then.

The large dog seemed unfazed by the carnage. Not that I need her help, but it would be nice to know that she would gather her 120 lbs and come to my rescue if I did!

I am Mo Mo, if I wanted a pedicure, I would ask!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Mmm, in my belly!

My Human seems annoyed with me.

I don't understand.

Usually on Mondays, he deprives me of all offerings and attention. It is a very sad start to the day. We barely even go for a walk. Bad start to the week.

He says it's so I'm hungry and full of beans for our training class.

Well, phooey on him! Today we went for a walk with a Small Human and I was SO HAPPY!

When we came home, he said he had to work for a bit. I waited until I heard him start typing and then I quietly took the bag he had just loaded for me, and I ate every last offering.

It was all so delicious! Like my training class, but without all those silly commands.

When we got to class, he had replaced the offerings in the bag, but I wasn't that interested in doing anything. I wanted to smell all the other dog's butts and see what offerings they were getting, rather than listen to him.

I am Mo Mo - you cannot leave a bag of offerings unattended and not expect me to eat it! Silly human! Lots of treats for me!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Gotcha!

This evening, I helped the large dog accompany the human on our walk. As we were leaving the yard, I spied something moving beneath a leaf.

Before The Human could stop me, I darted toward it and courageously thrust my nose into the pile of leaves.

I retracted my head and between my compact yet powerful jaws, I had captured a fierce intruder. I shook my head back and forth until I felt it was completely killed. I was fearsome and ruthless. I must slay the intruder and protect my family.

The whole time, The Human was yanking at the end of the leash saying "Mozey, drop it! Put it down!" I did not listen. He would have me release the foul vermin!

Once I was convinced it was completely dead, I came to my humans feet and sat, looking at him expectantly. My conquest dangled from my mouth, making it difficult to communicate. I laid it at his feet, and sat, fixing him with my hypnotic gaze.

He said "Good Mozey, good boy! What a good hunter!" and presented me with an offering.

Rodents live in fear of the compact yet powerful dog who walks among you!

I am MoMo, slayer of mice!