Thursday, January 28, 2010

I am still blogging.

I will not apologize, my life has been very busy.

But keep reading, human, and I will keep blogging.

Right now, I am getting ready to go outside and roll in the snow.

The only bad thing about winter, as far as I am concerned, is that The Dog Park is frozen over with a layer of slippery ice. This does not phase me, but The Human is somewhat unsteady, having only two legs, so we have not been there for some time.

The only other bad thing about winter is that there is no Bike Ride!

The best thing about winter is there is lots and lots of snow. All for me!

I do not advise eating the yellow snow, but the white snow is delicious.

I am Mo Mo, I have ordered more snow.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

New Chews!

Papa got some new chews recently. Today, he got home from work, and put them on the table. Chews don't belong on the table, so I thought I'd help him by putting them on the floor.

I got one on the floor and was just starting to work on it with my brilliantly sharp white teeth when he came back into the room "MOZEY!!!! Bad dog! Those are NOT for you! I can't leave you alone even long enough to go out to the car?" he yelled, quite unecessarily, since my keen ears can pick up the whispering of a mouse at a hundred paces.

I shrugged and wandered off. They weren't very tasty chews, I typically prefer them once they've been worked in a bit, this were a little tough and they seemed to be brand new.

Tonight, the boy from next door stopped by with a box that had been brought by the man in the funny brown truck. It smelled so good! I knew what it was right away - bull penii! They are delicious! Mmm, so good!

I really don't understand what Papa meant when he said "Oh, finally, your bullies have arrived so you don't need to go swiping my shoes off the table anymore." I thought they were my chews! He put them on MY table instead of by the door with his other pairs.


Dear loyal readers,
I am sorry for my extended absence over the summer. I was enjoying myself, and I will tell you all about my adventures when there is time. Suffice it to say for now that I quite enjoyed Canada.

Mo Mo

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


My human clearly has it in for me! Send help!

I was quietly napping when I heard a strange clicking sound.

And again. As I woke, I became aware of something gently holding my left back foot.


EGADS!!! My toenails were being removed!

I screamed so loud that my human's ears are still ringing. I have a sound I emit at a high volume and a high pitch when my feet are touched - I amplified that sound tenfold and extended it's length from two seconds to eight. The desired effect was achieved - the human release me.

I gathered every last bit of energy and leapt four feet into the air and then ran for the other end of the apartment.

Three of my nails are now shorter than the others. He will not get the rest!

I watched as he held the cats down and click, click, clicked all of their nails on their back feet. I noticed he did not trim their front feet, I must investigate this further. They did not struggle, but meekly submitted to his torture.

I'm sure if I bother Scout enough, she will smack me with her paws and maybe I can catch a peek then.

The large dog seemed unfazed by the carnage. Not that I need her help, but it would be nice to know that she would gather her 120 lbs and come to my rescue if I did!

I am Mo Mo, if I wanted a pedicure, I would ask!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Mmm, in my belly!

My Human seems annoyed with me.

I don't understand.

Usually on Mondays, he deprives me of all offerings and attention. It is a very sad start to the day. We barely even go for a walk. Bad start to the week.

He says it's so I'm hungry and full of beans for our training class.

Well, phooey on him! Today we went for a walk with a Small Human and I was SO HAPPY!

When we came home, he said he had to work for a bit. I waited until I heard him start typing and then I quietly took the bag he had just loaded for me, and I ate every last offering.

It was all so delicious! Like my training class, but without all those silly commands.

When we got to class, he had replaced the offerings in the bag, but I wasn't that interested in doing anything. I wanted to smell all the other dog's butts and see what offerings they were getting, rather than listen to him.

I am Mo Mo - you cannot leave a bag of offerings unattended and not expect me to eat it! Silly human! Lots of treats for me!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


This evening, I helped the large dog accompany the human on our walk. As we were leaving the yard, I spied something moving beneath a leaf.

Before The Human could stop me, I darted toward it and courageously thrust my nose into the pile of leaves.

I retracted my head and between my compact yet powerful jaws, I had captured a fierce intruder. I shook my head back and forth until I felt it was completely killed. I was fearsome and ruthless. I must slay the intruder and protect my family.

The whole time, The Human was yanking at the end of the leash saying "Mozey, drop it! Put it down!" I did not listen. He would have me release the foul vermin!

Once I was convinced it was completely dead, I came to my humans feet and sat, looking at him expectantly. My conquest dangled from my mouth, making it difficult to communicate. I laid it at his feet, and sat, fixing him with my hypnotic gaze.

He said "Good Mozey, good boy! What a good hunter!" and presented me with an offering.

Rodents live in fear of the compact yet powerful dog who walks among you!

I am MoMo, slayer of mice!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Yummy stick!

The Human was placing some long sticks into the crock pot.

With the powers of my hypnotic gaze, I caused one to fall to the floor.

I promptly scooped it up and sat down to chew it.

Pluses - it chews easily, seems healthy, and it's like those dots in my canned dinner, except it's shaped like a stick.

Also, it encourages the human to play chase - he said "Give me back my carrot!" I said "What carrot? This is my stick!"

Then he realized he might as well let me chew it.

Minuses - it seems to be leaving a little pile of crumbs on the floor and the cats are not interested in cleaning it up.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

My adoption story

A long time ago, a very nice family adopted me. They took me home with them from the kennel where I was born when I was just a wee little pup, hardly the compact yet powerful dog I am now.

When I got to their house, I found out I had a brother! A beautiful Golden Retriever. They loved me very much, but both my moms worked very long hours, and all the kids went to school all day. I was very lonely at home by myself with the Golden.

Some days, they would leave us outside in the yard. When it got cold, I grew lots and lots of fur. I quickly got bored in the yard. I found different ways to get over the fence, and under the fence, and around the fence.

Soon, I was friends with everyone in the neighborhood! All the dogs know me, I liked to go with them on their walks. All the people who were owned by dogs in our whole neighborhood knew my name.

Sometimes they would take me home to my family, but I would always come back to play again! Soon, all the neighbors gave up on returning me to my people.

Then my new human moved in. Clearly, he was not given the memo: I was to be allowed to roam free in the neighborhood, to accompany anyone I chose on their walks, whenever I wanted.

A few times, the human caught me and called my people to come get me.

One time, the moms and all the little kids went on vacation, and I stayed home with the big kid and my Golden Retriever brother. I wanted to have one of my adventures, but he was kind of a spoilsport. I showed him a hole in the fence and he said "I don't know, Mo Mo, I think we'd better just wait here until Moms get home."

I went for a walk, and when I came home for dinner, he was gone. Meanwhile, I noted a cute little note on the door from The Dog Catcher - someone had complained about me walking myself! The nerve!

A couple of days later, I was getting really hungry, and it was really cold outside. I tried everything, but there was nobody home at my house. Finally, I went to see if Monty's Human would feed me - he would always give me cookies and a drink before when I showed up.

I made Monty bark lots and lots - it was still dark out. I could hear him "Monty, there's no one there, go back to sleep!" Finally, he came outside to see what Monty was barking at. I fell into the house "Oh, thank you! It's so cold out there! I'm so HUNGRY!" I said. He gave me some food and some water, and tried to call my people. But he couldn't find the phone number, it was completely washed off my tag.

Since it was the middle of the night, he said "Well, you can sleep here, we'll find them tomorrow." and he put a blanket on the floor for me.

Instead, I decided to chase the cats. I was nice and warm, full of food and water, and I love to chase cats. Next thing I knew, he kicked me back out and told me to go home. I'm sure he was half asleep, or he would have figured something else out.

I went home, but nobody was there. I didn't care, my belly was full. The next morning, I was just walking along in front of Monty's house, when this big van came out of nowhere. Suddenly, there was a big screeching sound, and the van stopped. Then Monty's human appeared and said "Are you still out? Come on in." He gave me more food, and this time, he didn't even mind that I chased the cats. He seemed very worried about me.

He found my people's phone number, and called them.

We had lots of adventures, but when I said "Take this leash off, I'm going for my walk now," he said "No way, little buddy. You are not going anywhere."

The next day, he called the dog catcher. I stayed with him for a whole week! It was great - we went EVERYWHERE together. I went to school, I went for CAR RIDE!!! I found this wonderful place called DOG PARK!!!!

And then one day my people called the dog catcher. They said they were on vacation when I ran away and that they would like me back. Monty's Human took me to the dog catcher. I knew her well, she had caught me before.

He seemed very sad, but the dog catcher explained that my family loved me very much and wanted me back.

I was happy to hear that! I loved them too! I was just lonely, so lonely all day when they went to work without me, so I would go find other people.

The dog catcher said they were coming. We waited. We waited. We waited some more.

Finally, I was placed in a small crate and made to stay there overnight. I heard the phone ring - it was Monty's Human calling to check in on me! "I'm here! Come get me!" I said, but the dog catcher said "They said they're coming tomorrow."

Tomorrow, my family came to get me. I was so happy! I licked their faces, and loved them so much!

When we got home, they had lunch with me, and then they put me in my crate and went back to work. I was so sad. I was so lonely in the crate. Didn't they know I loved them? I was so happy to be home.

I was so bored, I found a bunch of their shoes to play with. I love their shoes so much because they smell like them! And they're so tasty!!!

That night, the moms came home and they had a very serious conversation. The next night, the little boy and the moms brought me back to Monty's house.

They had decided that I could live with him. He took me shopping, and got me a new collar, and a new brush, and lots and lots of toys to chew on. I liked that a lot, but I was worried he was spending too much money on me.

For a free dog, I am pretty expensive.

So, in order to save some money, I tried to show him that I didn't really need an expensive chew toy, I could just chew this perfectly good chair here in the kitchen, see? I'm low maintenance! I don't need fancy toys, I am perfectly happy to chew the furniture you already have!

He seems to like buying me toys, though, and I have to admit that the Kong tastes better than the chair, so I'll chew it instead. Also, something happened to the chair, and now it tastes REALLY nasty.

My old family promised to come visit. One time, we were having our morning walk and the big kid drove by with the little kids. They stopped to say hi, and I loved them! I gave them so many kisses, but when they let go of me, I ran back to my Human. I didn't want to leave with them.

They haven't come back to visit since then, and that's Ok with me. It's kind of confusing to me. I don't understand why they didn't love me enough to quit their jobs and stay home all day with me.

The New Human is much better - he doesn't seem to have much of a job. Some days, we go to the university, and he gathers large groups of students together, and they all sit and look at me while I sit at the front of the room and they talk about sociology. Meanwhile, I walk around in circles and let them all pet me.

Other days, he spends the whole day on his computer, and I sleep on the couch with Monty. He calls this "working" and we sometimes go outside to do "working" in the yard. In the middle of "working" we often have lunch or a walk or something interesting. I like this much better than being in my crate or out in the yard while my family is at work.

The only problem with the new human is that when I figure out something clever and manage to get out of the house or off my leash, he comes looking for me. He chases me all over the neighborhood and all the other people come out of their houses to help him. Twice I have made my escape, and have been quietly going about my business in the neighborhood, when he has shown up with Monty and my leash. It's Ok, I don't mind if he joins me on my walks I guess.

So that's my adoption story.

I am Mo Mo - I am adopted. (That's why Monty and I look so different.)

Monday, April 27, 2009

My, what big ears you have!

My human would like to post a picture. But he cannot. He says that something happened to the camera and he is contemplating the purchase of a new annoying flashy light to shove in our faces.

But this post is not about The Human, his ears appear to be quite of normal human size, that is, too small to hear anything useful.

The Big Dog has much larger ears than I. And she is much less fastiduous about her grooming. Occasionally she licks her butt - unlike the cats and I, she does not have a handle on appropriate bodily hygiene.

Lucky for her, I am available and willing to help with the deep cleaning. The human generally laughs at us, which I do not appreciate. Human laughter distracts me.

I have discovered that my powerful yet compact muzzle fits perfectly into Monty's ear, and that if I'm careful not to tickle too much, I can remove all the goo from her ears with my deft tongue. If I tickle her, she gets annoyed and stomps off, but she appreciates the meticulous attention I give to her inner ears.

Training for Human: Kong Filling

My Human has learned a new skill, one I find quite useful.

Once he is fully trained, I expect he will do it without being asked, but for now, I have discovered that once I empty my Kong of deliciousness, I can simply drop it on his foot and he will arise and refill it.

This afternoon, I learned that humans will occasionally dance on one paw and scream in pain when a Kong is thrown at them particularly forcefully. I guess he refilled that one while I wasn't looking. With a bone sticking out of the end. Oops. Next time I won't throw it so hard, it seems humans have sensitive paws.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I am a beautiful creature.

This morning, the human attempted to groom me. He says that this is in preparation for a ritual bath. I tolerated his attempts to draw a brush through my hair for a bit, but then I realized he is removing vast amounts of my gorgeous fur. How am I to mark my home with clouds of fur if he takes it all before I am ready to dispense it?

I know he must truly appreciate me leaving my hair on his floor, bed, desk, clothes, shoes, bathmat, food, face, backpack, car, and everywhere else I have left these little gifts. But surely he must have heard the parable of the goose that layed the golden eggs? If he gets greedy and tries to get it all now, I won't be able to leave it for him later this week as I have been planning.

I must, however, admit that my neck feels much better. All the hair that I have been unable to leave because it was stuck under my old collar is starting to be removed. My human says it will take some time, but I will be a much more attractive dog in a few weeks. Some words he says and I understand, but I am somewhat convinced he must be slightly stupid, since many of the words he says make no sense.

I understand why he says "Sit" - it's because he wants to feed me an offering, and I prefer to eat in a seated position.

He also says "down" and I have no idea what that means. He always extends an offering when he says it, so I seat myself, but then he turns away without giving me my offering. His behavior is quite puzzling. He usually extends the offering toward my nose, and then draws it away toward the floor. This is not the way to give me an offering, so I remain seated and studiously ignore him. Eventually, he will learn.

One time, I grew bored of this "down" stupidity, and I laid my head upon my front paws, and my belly upon the floor in order to have a nap. He made such a big fuss about how good I am, what a good down that was, and extended the offering. I have not repeated this behavior since, as it clearly confused him. I'm now very careful to always remain seated whenever an offering is apparent. He says that we will soon begin obedience classes, and I am very excited about this, as I understand that there will be offerings and much fuss will be made over me.I must now leave, if I understand correctly, we are to take a Car Ride!!! and then visit some large emporium.

A bientot,
Mo Mo

A sampling of my outbox this morning

Dear Dogmaker in the Sky,
I am still in possession of the 20-odd lb body you sent. However, I am sure there has been some mistake. You see, I am a 60 lb dog.This body is not too small, I am squishing myself in here just fine, but some dogs don't understand that I am a big dog.

As suggested, I am upping hair production. My perceived body mass is still only around 40 lbs, perhaps you could offer some advice. I do appreciate the gift of divinity. I've been told I shed like Saint Bernard, who must have been a very pious dog indeed. My new human is impressed with me, I could tell by the way he said "Holy moley, I've never seen so much hair!"
Mo Mo

Dear Room Service,
I do appreciate the prompt delivery of my dinner and breakfast. However, I could not help but notice that Simon and Scout are fed wet food every night, as well as three meals a day. I was under the impression that this lodging would provide me with wet food every day as well. When I came for the tour last week, I was fed wet food multiple times. Please send the human to fetch my bowl, I have barely touched it. He may return when he has some wet food for me.
Mo Mo

Dear Squirrels,
Just you wait. I'm going to get off this leash one day, and when I do, I'm gonna eat you!
Mo Mo