This morning, the human attempted to groom me. He says that this is in preparation for a ritual bath. I tolerated his attempts to draw a brush through my hair for a bit, but then I realized he is removing vast amounts of my gorgeous fur. How am I to mark my home with clouds of fur if he takes it all before I am ready to dispense it?
I know he must truly appreciate me leaving my hair on his floor, bed, desk, clothes, shoes, bathmat, food, face, backpack, car, and everywhere else I have left these little gifts. But surely he must have heard the parable of the goose that layed the golden eggs? If he gets greedy and tries to get it all now, I won't be able to leave it for him later this week as I have been planning.
I must, however, admit that my neck feels much better. All the hair that I have been unable to leave because it was stuck under my old collar is starting to be removed. My human says it will take some time, but I will be a much more attractive dog in a few weeks. Some words he says and I understand, but I am somewhat convinced he must be slightly stupid, since many of the words he says make no sense.
I understand why he says "Sit" - it's because he wants to feed me an offering, and I prefer to eat in a seated position.
He also says "down" and I have no idea what that means. He always extends an offering when he says it, so I seat myself, but then he turns away without giving me my offering. His behavior is quite puzzling. He usually extends the offering toward my nose, and then draws it away toward the floor. This is not the way to give me an offering, so I remain seated and studiously ignore him. Eventually, he will learn.
One time, I grew bored of this "down" stupidity, and I laid my head upon my front paws, and my belly upon the floor in order to have a nap. He made such a big fuss about how good I am, what a good down that was, and extended the offering. I have not repeated this behavior since, as it clearly confused him. I'm now very careful to always remain seated whenever an offering is apparent. He says that we will soon begin obedience classes, and I am very excited about this, as I understand that there will be offerings and much fuss will be made over me.I must now leave, if I understand correctly, we are to take a Car Ride!!! and then visit some large emporium.