Dear Dogmaker in the Sky,
I am still in possession of the 20-odd lb body you sent. However, I am sure there has been some mistake. You see, I am a 60 lb dog.This body is not too small, I am squishing myself in here just fine, but some dogs don't understand that I am a big dog.
As suggested, I am upping hair production. My perceived body mass is still only around 40 lbs, perhaps you could offer some advice. I do appreciate the gift of divinity. I've been told I shed like Saint Bernard, who must have been a very pious dog indeed. My new human is impressed with me, I could tell by the way he said "Holy moley, I've never seen so much hair!"
Dear Room Service,
I do appreciate the prompt delivery of my dinner and breakfast. However, I could not help but notice that Simon and Scout are fed wet food every night, as well as three meals a day. I was under the impression that this lodging would provide me with wet food every day as well. When I came for the tour last week, I was fed wet food multiple times. Please send the human to fetch my bowl, I have barely touched it. He may return when he has some wet food for me.
Just you wait. I'm going to get off this leash one day, and when I do, I'm gonna eat you!