A sampling of my outbox this morning

Dear Dogmaker in the Sky,
I am still in possession of the 20-odd lb body you sent. However, I am sure there has been some mistake. You see, I am a 60 lb dog.This body is not too small, I am squishing myself in here just fine, but some dogs don't understand that I am a big dog.

As suggested, I am upping hair production. My perceived body mass is still only around 40 lbs, perhaps you could offer some advice. I do appreciate the gift of divinity. I've been told I shed like Saint Bernard, who must have been a very pious dog indeed. My new human is impressed with me, I could tell by the way he said "Holy moley, I've never seen so much hair!"
Yours,
Mo Mo

Dear Room Service,
I do appreciate the prompt delivery of my dinner and breakfast. However, I could not help but notice that Simon and Scout are fed wet food every night, as well as three meals a day. I was under the impression that this lodging would provide me with wet food every day as well. When I came for the tour last week, I was fed wet food multiple times. Please send the human to fetch my bowl, I have barely touched it. He may return when he has some wet food for me.
Yours,
Mo Mo

Dear Squirrels,
Just you wait. I'm going to get off this leash one day, and when I do, I'm gonna eat you!
Mo Mo